August 25, 2007
Remember to “Hissle”
I recently attended a workshop full of “hissle”. It was a remarkable gathering for several reasons. First, the presenter/facilitator Christine Whitney Sanchez is a long time friend of mine. We have strong heart connections, so being with her is always a great time. Watching her work was a special added attraction.
Christine’s Methods of Strategic Collaboration workshops (see blogroll) are an experience – literally. Christine creates the framework, provides knowledge and resources, and facilitates the learning. Participants “meet” the methods by living them. We developed appreciaitve agendas with provocative propositions. We self-organized. We explored issues through evolving questions and meaningful dialogues. We balanced polarities. We discovered emergent action steps. We experienced the power of these change strategies. But all of us, including Christine, gained even more. We formed an amazing community.
As we practiced, the methods promoted deep, rich connections. We authentically shared from our hearts and from our diverse experiences. We generously offered support, research, materials, mentoring, talents and perspectives. We grew together in soulful wisdom. Our community, though small in numbers and brief in time, became an excellent model for a better world. I am an improved world citizen as a result.
As we prepared to leave the rarified atmosphere we’d created, we challenged ourselves: each of us will use this unique, expansive experience to create something new in the world! Although problems and challenges abound, we now carry a sturdier hope for an emergent, dynamic, and collaborative future. We are sufficient for the tasks that await us. This thrill continues to resonate in me!
Oh, about “hisseling”. “HSL”, Tova told us, is what Mark Jones says we all need in large quantities: to be Heard, Seen and Loved. In my workshop community, HSLing remains abundant. As world citizens dedicated to making a difference, may we HSL each and all!
I post this with loving gratitude to all of you who formed this remarkable community: Jeannie, Judith, Kerani Marie, Laura, Magda, Reuben, Tova, and, of course, Christine who created the space to begin with. And to Jo, who had to leave us physically early in the process, but who’s positive presence continued to permeate our experience!
July 9, 2007
Parents are still in process – ap”parent”ly!
My younger son is getting married. It raises interesting dynamics. That’s normal, right? All life-changing experiences do, even the wonderful ones. He and his lovely fiancee want this auspicious occasion to be uniquely theirs. So they have made some unorthodox choices, such as having the rehearsal dinner at a Japanese grill. I foresee noisy competition between his father’s welcome and the staccato of knives slashing against metal! Maybe it will work; I am prepared to wait and see.
This anticipated event stirs memories of other weddings: my older son’s, my first and second weddings, my parents’ wedding stories. My husband recounts his family’s nuptials history. My friends tell their favorite tales. Weddings signify a major transition. It’s huge. So inevitably parents find themselves contemplating their child’s emancipation status.
In the 21st century, that magic moment of independcnce is increasingly vague. Past generations left home with absolute certainty. You were out in the world, on your own, responsible for earning a living and supporting yourself. Black and white, you moved out and you were an adult. Now grown children emancipate in gradual, circuitous steps. As they work out the degrees of separation from us, they still need us in some ways, especially financially, yet often feel resentful of the implied dependence. It’s challenging: how do we stay meaningfully connected while calibrating the ties that bind generations?
I reflect that it’s not only our children, but we parents who continue to be “in process.” We’re not “done” yet either. Giving birth was mysterious and amazing. Now I find that launching children is, too. I’m aware that I am still growing, still becoming myself. I have this in common with my son the groom. Weddings are a milestone that require love, good will and the patience to wait and see. As an experienced parent of adult children, my sagely dad says, ”You might as well sit back and enjoy the ride!”
June 12, 2007
Move Your Feet!
Last weekend my city sponsored a dance festival, inviting local dance groups to strut their stuff! And strut they did! Infectious music and bright costumes mixed with diverse dance styles, creating a festive atmosphere.
Belly dancers glided and undulated. Hip hopping teens rocked out enthusiastically. Gray-haired Scottish dancers skipped, circled and swooped in their kilts. Graceful ballerinas pirouetted and dipped. High-spirited Mexican folk dancers kicked up their heels, skirts whirling, sombreros waving.
My tap group danced to Ray Charles, fast and sassy. We were energized and passed it along to the audience. I love being fully into the dance experience, expressing myself, yet completely aligned with my troupe. The audience was fully into the experience, too. Everyone was moving: swaying, dancing, clapping, toe-tapping, smiling. Some of the dance groups offered instruction. Children in cowboy boots and sandals joined their parents and the Grupo Folklorico . Others tried the Scottish reels. One woman danced with her oxygen tank in tow. Everyone was engaged by the music and the movement.
Dancing is, of course, ancient. It has been a part of our social life and sacred rituals since time immemorial. Dance arises from our natural rhythms – our heart beat, our breath. Despite what some guys believe, dancing is innate.
As we all danced, no one seemed to care if someone turned the wrong way or didn’t pick up the exact steps; we were captivated by the delight and joy of moving to music. Everyone was shining to the rhythm of life. There was lovely harmony in the diversity of music, steps, costumes, ages, capabilities, shapes. Underneath our external covers, we are all the same. We all pulse to the same rhythms. We all shine.
June 4, 2007
Choices for Change
Yesterday I saw the movie “The Waitress”. The main character Jenna works in a run-down diner that specializes in pies, and she is the genius pie-maker. Throughout the movie Jenna invents highly unusual pies that reflect what’s happening in her life. While her genius is appreciated when the pie is consumed, it doesn’t garner the recognition it deserves. But Jenna doesn’t expect much. She’s married to a controlling, abusive husband who demands her tips when he picks her up from work. Jenna is unhappy, but so are the other characters in this movie. No one is flourishing, although there is one character who feels just great about his rather ordinary life.
The movie develops complications along with discouraging plot developments. But at a moment of crisis and triumph, Jenna makes the life-changing decision she’s been contemplating since the opening scene. Here’s the most impressive part: she makes the decision with clarity and courage and the determination to start a better life now…without the requisite happy ending relationship most chick-flicks require. While other factors fall into place to support her, it’s Jenna’s clarity that she is sufficient to direct and manage her own life that makes the greatest difference.
When we, like Jenna, are facing change, whether externally imposed or freely chosen, we too may have limitations, deficits and challenges. Finding our direction and moving ahead doesn’t depend on who is by our side, how much money we have, or what we can count on from the world. It’s about our inner core – our values and the strengths we’ve cultivated that become our weath, the resources from which we create each step ahead until a path emerges. It’s knowing that we deserve the best life we can envision, then acting with conviction in support of it.
Jenna triumphs in a really meaningful way. In her transformation she becomes an inspiring role model. Her life isn’t perfect, but it is wholely her own. And the guy who is perfectly delighted with his ordinary life? He’s not a bad role model, either!
March 25, 2007
Poetry Saves
My upcoming great adventure is a poetry reading – mine! Well… my group’s. I’ve just completed a sacred poetry class taught by poet Katherine West. Katherine introduced us to three approaches to “Writing the Divine”. The first, we read tribal poetry; we discovered rhythm and technique surprisingly contemporary. We wrote tribal poetry.
Then we read medieval poetry that focused on the Divine as Beloved. We wrote passionate poetry. And finally we read visionary poetry written in the past 150 years. And we wrote illogical and ironic poetry. In a supportive and collaborative way, we shared our writing. I was surprised and grateful that these talented creative poets were constructive in their critiques and generous with suggestions. It’s been electrifying to be among them.
We are reading our work because Katherine believes poetry should be performed. She has compiled a chapbook of our work. As we veteran and fledgling (!) poets read, we’ll be accompanied by slide guitar and rhythm instruments. We’re wearing black T-shirts that proclaim: Poetry Saves! We’re sitting in a circle, joining our audience, like the tribal communities who sang their stories, their history, to keep the world in balance.
Poetry is song, a glorious, vibrant word-dance. Through it, I am reawakened to the power and flow of language. It’s swelling in me, the life current rising on a new path. Positive psychology, the new study of human potential, says we live better when we use our talents and strengths in novel ways. This class has gifted me with that opportunity. Sacred poetry has put my world into better balance.
Check out Katherine West’s poetry by Googling her name.
March 17, 2007
A Model Couple
One of my current quests is to discover more about the ingredients of a resilient partnership, especially when the parties share all aspects of life – 24/7 couples, I call them. Marian and Glenn Head are such a couple; they have been teaming up in innovative ways since they met and married 22 years ago. When I met Marian and heard about some of their joint (ad)ventures, I knew I wanted to discover more!
Today Marian and Glenn graciously consented to take time from a business forum in my neighborhood to join me for lunch and to answer my questions. This couple first collaborated when Glenn hired Marian as a consultant to his business. When they discovered how complementary they were, Glenn being a visionary dreamer and Marian an effective goal-achiever, they leveraged their combined strengths into business and marriage. They also, of course, experienced the challenges born of differences. Marian told about one way they learned to manage differences well. When an opportunity to take the Myers-Briggs personality inventory came along, they did; then they applied the insights they discovered about each other. “I learned that Glenn isn’t disinterested or contrary when he doesn’t participate in planning with me; it’s his nature to be spontaneous, so planning makes no sense to him. However, I like to anticipate how things will go, so I continue to plan. Now I know that Glenn will be right there, fully engaged in the activity when the time comes.” They acknowledge and appreciate their differences with understanding and love. As they spoke openly and enthusiastically, I could detect the genuine respect and joy that underpins their relationship.
Marian and Glenn shared much more with me, all of which I am digesting with relish, but the greatest gift was their generosity. As I returned them to their business engagement, they told me: “Let us know what else we can do!” as though they had nothing else to think of but me. What great modeling!
Check out Marian’s website: on the blogroll click on The Revolutionary Agreements
March 10, 2007
Tomorrow is a new (shorter) day!
On March 11th you and I will be waking to the new daylight sayings time schedule. Some of you will think of it as “losing an hour” and you’ll feel fatigued immediately! Others, perhaps those of us who are intentional optimists, will wake to the delight of another fresh day, one that awaits our imprint. Waking each morning is much like entering a new post on a blog: you start with a blank page. What you choose to put on it is up to you. Of course, we have a framework within which to post. But that framework doesn’t dictate what goes on this page. I am the creator of my blog posts! I am the creator of this new day! What a challenge! I want to be a positive and intentional creator, not one who allows the day to be filled with mindless trivia that won’t matter a year from now. I want to be clear and directed as I create this day.
I remember too many wasteful days when I was listless, ambivalent, reactive to something I didn’t like yesterday or swamped by a brain-load of negative emotions that I hadn’t bothered to clear. Then I became the Dancing Detective. I’m a natural born, though not formally trained, dancer. I know how to get into rhythm. I know how it excites and stirs me! Dancing gets me juicy, animated, flexible, in flow and moving. I never stand still when I’m dancing. Being a detective comes naturally to me as well. I’m a very curious woman and I love to learn about all the things that interest me. When I’m dancing and detecting, I’m am truly creative and fully alive. There is no time to waste!
Tomorrow when I awake an hour earlier than usual (and I probably will as my biological clock won’t be reset yet), I intend to get up dancing, at least figuratively. And I intend to put my curiosity into action, detecting what will make this first day of daylight savings time, 2007, an interesting, engaging, lovely, perhaps even glorious day! Please join me!
